23 December 2010

Finally, Time To Sit Still

Well, It has been awhile since I felt I could sit, and relax, and not be stressed about anything.  And I feel like I could actually do a good bit of talking so here it goes:

First off, the not spending extra money thing has not worked very well so far.  I was feeling really down on myself about this until I decided that it was asking a lot of myself to stop spending money on things I don't need right at Christmas time.  I am one of those people who thinks the best present in the world is finding the perfect gift for someone else and seeing their face when they open it.  So far this year I have achieved my goal.  So I have decided that the cut back on spending will start with the arrival of my next pay check in the beginning of January.


I also have not been doing great with exercising, and again I am going to blame the time of year.  It is not easy to change bad habits I have had my whole life when tempting treats are being shoved in my face from everywhere.  And finding time to work out when I have been spending every second freaking out about getting stuff turned in and finished on time has not been easy.  So I will call December my month off and will start again with gusto in January.

Doing both of these things will not be hard considering that I have nothing else to spend my time doing than job hunting.  I have started the overload of applications and so far have heard nothing back from anyone.  I would like to take a moment here to tell all the employers out there a little something they appear not to think about.  When I send in an application, and never hear back from you, it pisses me off.  It is not hard to make a general "We are not interested at this time" email, or something like that, just letting me know that I shouldn't hold my breath.  Also, if the position has been filled, then take the advertisement of the site so I don't end up applying to a ton of jobs that no longer exist.  I do not think that these are asking a lot.

Okay, back to what I was talking about.  Starting in January, my life will have three or four purposes. 
1. Finding a job
2. Working Out and Getting Healthy (and this I am dragging my mom along on)
3. Spending time with friends and Don
4. Saving money and working at the stable as many hours as I can squeeze out of that job.




I really hope that I get a job that pays decent so I can pay back my loans.  That "clean finical beginning" is so close I can feel it.  If I can pull off getting out of debt, and having good credit, I feel like I will be much better off than a lot of people my age and that is not something I would feel at all bad about.




Well, Christmas is almost here and I have an even crazier schedule than normal.  leaving tonight for Don's house so that tomorrow we can go to his families for Christmas Eve and then getting up the next morning at nine, so I can leave his place by ten, so I can get home to my place by eleven, so I can get myself and my dogs and family in the car and leave for Algoma by noon.  I stay there for three days with no phone of electronics of any kind.  then come back here for a crazy week of work.  I don't even have time to make  New Years plans.

Happy Holidays!

15 December 2010

Time For A Story

I don't have a ton of time today, but I wanted to post something, so here is the start of a second story, possibly just a short story, I started a few years ago.


She flinched back as she felt the sun touch her face, the light penetrated her skin and she felt the invisible damage work its way through the layers of dermis.  Her hood had slipped back a little as she hurried through the streets.  She pulled it forward so her face was covered again and organized her thick coat, and then hurried on towards the hospital where she worked.  Everyone around her was enjoying the brief break in the chilly, unusually overcast winter and were absorbing as much sunlight into their winter pale skin as they could.  They had removed their hats and gloves and unbuttoned their coats, braving the still bitter cold of the wind, all to get their fill of vitamin D like some huge mobile plants.
                  “Idiots!” she snarled to no one, overheard by no one.  Fifty years from now all those people will be rushing to their dermatologists, begging them to remove the age spots they are causing themselves right now.  She pulled her head back further into her hood like some kind of turtle and moved on faster. 
The last few feet and the hallway to her office were always the most dangerous for her of her two block trip to the hospital.  Face to the floor, she hurried through the stone white door of her office and slammed the door behind her.  One quick glance around her office told her that it was safe to remove her coat, hat, gloves, and scarf and place them on the individual hangers near the door.  Only after she was sure they were all in the proper place did she relax. 
Her office was plain and extraordinarily neat.  There was no artwork on the walls and no photos on the desk, in fact, besides a computer, clock, and small container of pens her desk was completely clear.  There were no folders laying around the office, those were all stored safely in the long line of file cabinets along the right wall, all the same color, and all locked, letting her know that inside not one paper was bent or out of place.  She fingered the keys to all that information as she ran her eyes along them, making a silent inspection of her space. 
                  Her eyes continued along the back wall of her office where her bookshelves were stacked high with books, all organized not only by color, so they were pleasing to the eye, but also by alphabet, so they would easy to use.  She let her eyes travel over them and over to the last wall of the office that held nothing other than a sink which was bare of everything, save a large bottle of antibacterial soap.  Satisfied that her office was untouched since she had locked the door behind her two days before, she began to move towards her desk.  Her second step caused a thin envelope that had been shoved under the door to rustle as her foot pressed down on it.  The sudden noise in the silent office startled her and she jumped back into a crouch. 
The envelope appeared to be a regular business class letter, though it was not sealed, as though the sender wanted to leave no trace of themselves behind.  Her heart began to race and seat formed on the back of her neck, drops running down her back.  For several tense moments she didn’t move, only her eyes darted back and forth from the letter to the rest of the office, rechecking to make sure nothing else had been moved. 
Finally she reached out and picked up the letter.  She stood up as she opened it and walked over to the mirror over the sink, bending down slightly so she could look at herself in it.  I really need to get the custodians in her to raise this up.  Damn my height. And damn this letter.  She glanced down at it and felt the little blood that remained in her face rush out.  Slamming open a bottom drawer on her desk she ran the letter through the paper shredder the drawer held.  Her anger died a little as the small metal teeth devoured the paper and she walked back to the mirror, intending to compose herself.
                  “Dr. Sto?” her intern called through the door and knocked timidly.  The doorknob turned slightly as he began to enter her office without waiting for her response. “Dr. Sto, are you in yet? Dr. Sto?”
                  Before the knob finished turning in its place, she was in her chair, leaning forward towards the now opening door.  “Yes Howard.  I just got in, as you should know seeing as how you are able to open my door.  Or do you perhaps make a habit of coming in here when I am out?”  She could see him flinch, though she was unsure whether it was because of her words of at the sound of her chalky, smooth voice that curled through the air to him through the dark of the office.  It didn’t matter which he was reacting to, she was used to people flinching when she spoke.
                  “Um, I was, ah, just checking, because, um, no I don’t make a habit, um…” Howard stammered on, boring her.
                  “Is there a particular reason that you felt the need to come bursting,” Well I guess not bursting per say,”into my office?” Hm, that letter incident really freaked me out.  I can’t believe… it wasn’t his fault, calm down. 
                  “Yes, I was wondering if you got the invitation I slipped under your door.  I know that Michelle would love you to come to her graduation party tonight, I mean, you’re her mentor and all, and yeah…” He quieted and waited for her response. 
It was lucky that the darkness shielded her face from him because her anger had returned and she was struggling to control it.  “Yes,” she replied, carful to take even breathes and not sound as if she were speaking through clenched teeth. “I got the invitation, and I would love to attend.”  She wanted nothing more than to not attend the party but pretenses must be kept up.  These silly humans, thinking something as insignificant as a graduation was worthy of celebration.


Enjoy!

14 December 2010

Changes, A Time For Changes

Anyone who reads this regularly will have noticed that I have been making some changes to the look and content of the blog.  I'm doing this because I have been making some changes in my life as well.  Besides a new boyfriend, I have been making some decisions on what I plan to do for a living.  I applied for a job at the humane society and I am really hoping to get it, but if I don't, I have decided to continue to apply for jobs in this area.  I am not ready to move far away and abandon everyone here.

This is partially because of my relationship with Don, but I also feel like my family needs me around for awhile.  Another reason is because I am really trying to get serious about the getting in shape.  I would live to loose about forty pounds and in order to do so I am going to have make a real effort to focus on that.

This brings me to my next point.  The focus of this blog is going to alter a little bit.  I will still be including my fun rants and tangents, but I am no longer focusing on Korea, although I am still going to finish that online class.  I am going to focus this blog on the things I am trying to focus on in my life.   I am going to make a real effort to save money, and get a real career, and fix up the things in my life that need fixing, such as my health and my relationships with people.



I really want to get my debt paid off, so here is my big plan:
  1. Stop making unnecessary purchases.  I do not need any more clothes or books or movies or other things like that.  I actually need to cut back on my clothing again.  
  2. Pay off my credit card, by March.  I know March is a random month, but it is the earliest I feel i would be able to do that realistically.  After it is paid off, don't touch it.
  3. Pay my parents half of my paycheck each month to pay off what I owe them.
  4. After paying back my parents, start saving half of each check in my savings account and do not touch it. 
  5. Put off finding an apartment for at least six months, or until my debt is fully paid off.  It may take a while, but I really want a fresh financial start.
 I haven't worked out any of the other details for my life, but once I hear back from the job I interviewed at I will start making a bigger plan.  It is time to take charge and make some decisions in my life.   Oh, and I am totally still putting my work up here, I need to believe someone is reading this!  For the faithful, another poem (remember, feedback would be appreciated)


Silly Pink Line


2:59, 2:58, 2:57, 2:56, 2:55,
Counting down the three minute wait of eternity
I contemplate my options if it all goes to shit
“My life is over”
“I have to drop out”
“My mother will hate me and my dad, oh my god, my dad”
All these thoughts rise to the surface of my boiling brain
Caused because of a silly pink line

1:59, 1:58, 1:57, 1:56, 1:55,
Still the counting continues
I wonder what I did to deserve this
“Should I have been nice to the bitch who tried to steal all my friends”
“Did I not try hard enough to be a good person”
“Why did I not listen to what everyone was saying”
Question and more questions bubble up and explode
All caused by that stupid, silly pink line

0:59, 0:58, 0:57, 0:56, 0:55,
Eternity is slowly drawing to a close
Sudden thoughts sneak uncontrollably to the front of my thoughts
“I don’t want to know”
“I don’t think I can look”
“I am pretty sure I shouldn’t have eaten that burger before doing this”
In terror I look down at what I hold in my hand
My life’s fate decided by one horrible, stupid, silly pink line

07 December 2010

Long Time, No Post

Well, it has been quite awhile since I had time to just sit down and write on here.  A ton has been happening and not all of it is good.

First off, I will graduate, again, in about two weeks, which means a ton of papers and studying to do before the end.  I also have the added bonus of needing to check with Platteville to make sure that I actually fulfilled all their damn requirements this time and that they have no loop holes to pull me through.  I am going to be very glad when this is all over.  I also have only a few weeks to complete that online course.  I suppose I could work on it tomorrow during work time in my Lit class.  Once that is done, I am set till I get bored again.

Also, I applied for a job at my local humane society to work as an adoption counselor and I got a first interview today.  Hopefully I get called in for a second one and get the job.  It is pretty much my dream job and I would love to start my year off with a really good start to life.

On a much sadder note, my baby Darby passed away a few days after thanksgiving.  I had that horse for 15 years and he was my best friend and the only constant man in my life who I trusted to never break my heart.  He was always there to listen to my problems and never complained when I cried on his shoulder.  I miss him a crazy amount and I am not sure I have truly accepted his death yet.  He touched the heart of every person he met, no matter how short a time he knew them and I will never have another horse as amazing as he was.

I have looked online a little bit at horses that are available for adoption through rescue groups and found a little mare that may be able to help fill the space left by his loss.  It will take her a long time to trust and love me just like it will take me a long time to recover from losing Darby so I think we could help each other through it.

Things with Don are going amazing.  He took me deer hunting, something I had never done, and I really kinda enjoyed it.  I met his parents and some of the rest of his family and they were all really nice and seemed to like me so that was good.  He came to Thanksgiving at my house and I had a great time watching him meet my family and everyone else that was there.

Other than this stuff, life has been pretty normal.  spending a lot of my free time with Don, or trying to finish up the last few things I need to for school.  Looks like I am going to need to change up this blog a bit.  I may be a few weeks before I find time to write with graduation, possible new jobs, and Christmas coming up but I will do my best.

07 November 2010

Today Will Be Awesome!

I don't really hae much to talk about right now other than to say I am very excited and nervous about today and tomorrow, and I suck ay getting work done that needs to be done.  Here is a little poetry to brighten your day:


throat torn,
eyes bleed,
life mutilated by a blackened soul.
a soul of ash and flame
bursts open and cauterizes,
repeats the self sacrifice.
hope cowers.
reddened teardrops,
trails stained into flesh.
heart desires destruction.
claws dig deep and tear it out.
every time it returns,
unwanted.
teeth clench,
bite off the tongue.
swallow the iron,
burns the throat,
hits the stomach and explodes.
inhale breath,
lungs are gone,
lost long ago in the mind.
exhale caustic mist of sanguine drops.
all of this,
in a constant loop,
inescapable,
unavoidable,

the breaking of a heart.

31 October 2010

Halloween High.

Well, last night was most likely one of the best nights ever.  I finally went to the Mumford and Son's concert and holy shit, was it amazing.  Not only were they amazing, but the two opening bands were excellent.  Seeing Mumford play was kinda surreal.  I was in the front row on the stage, almost center, ( had to be a little closer to the piano player ;)) and the show was amazing.  They really love their back lighting and it works for them.  We got to hear two songs that they have only recently written and all of their other amazing work.

I highly recommend everyone check out...









Cadillac Sky













And King Charles.  












They were both super good as well.





The Halloween party was a ton of fun and everyone had some really cool costumes.  I particularly enjoyed the guy dressed as Edward Scissorhands.  It was too bad Don, couldn't come but I did set up a possible date for Cathie with one of his friends who is named Don as well, which is a bit odd.  

The concert Wednesday, sadly, was disappointing.  The only thing that saved it was getting to here Say Anything perform Colorblind.  Other than that they mainly played everything from there new album which isn't very good.  It was really nice seeing my friend Brian who happened to be there.  I am going to have to hang out with him again.  All three of use felt old while we were there because the majority of the other kids there were around 15 to 18, so we were around 6 to 10 years older than these people.

This week is going to be rough.  I have two papers, and a test to take care of.  Wednesday I am going to a campfire at Don's with Kim and Cathie and Cathie will be meeting Other Don.  Fingers crossed for a good night kiss at the end of this date!  And more hand holding, I really like Don's hands, lol.

In My Sight

22 October 2010

Sore!! So Very Sore!!!!

Well, its been three days of doing that workout video and I feel like I am a 95 year old.  My arms hurt, my legs hurt, back, neck, feet, abs, everything hurts.  It feels great!  I like the video and I feel like I am being pushed but not a ridiculous amount.  And it is super nice to be able to do some yoga afterwards to stretch and relax.  No real difference yet but I'm keeping at it.


My date went pretty good.  I didn't have my night class and when I told him, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner, which lead me to freak out for the next half hour because I now felt like it was a real date and I had to figure out what to wear.  We got really good Italian food at this restaurant in Fond Du Lac and then rented "The Losers" and went back to his place to watch it.  His house is pretty nice and his dog is adorable.  I ended up leaving at about 2 am which meant I only got three hours of sleep before work and class the next day.  It was totally worth it.  I am really starting to like this guy and I really like just hanging out with him, I don't feel any pressure to be anything but myself and it is very refreshing to just have calm, and not depressing conversation.

Unfortunately, I just found out that he is allergic to Cats, Horses and Dust, which is a problem because I own five cats, a horse, and live in a very old house, so we will have to see how that plays out.  We are supposed to have another date Thursday and then go to a Halloween party at Justin's house on Friday.  I hope Justin and his friends don't scare him.




And this coming week is going to be amazing!!!!  I have Say Anything with Kim on Wednesday, a date with Don Thursday, Halloween party on Friday, and MUMFORD AND SONS ON SATURDAY!!!!  I am super excited and I am really hoping I can still squeeze working out into all those days.

20 October 2010

Another Day, Another Something

I have really missed this feeling, the feeling of actually being excited to see the person I have a date with rather than dreading the melancholy talk and hours of trying to fix his problems and cheer him up.

In other news, I have reached the halfway point in my online course for Korea, I have gotten no where on my resume, and I am almost done with college, again.

I purchased some exercise videos online and I should be getting them today so hopefully I will be able to start doing bigger updates about my workouts and weight loss soon.  I also joined a web page that lets me record my food intact and the exercise I do each day and tells me how I am doing in regards to my goal weight.  According to this web page, I should reach my goal weight of 125 lbs by February or April of next year, if I keep up with the work outs and the eating healthy amounts of food.  This is super encouraging to me and really inspires me to work out even more because it actually lets me see a possible end in sight.  Also, the video I bought has a ton of reviews online that all talk about how many inches people who bought it are losing off their waist and hips each week and it sounds amazing.  I am really hoping I can get another job soon because I am thinking I will be needing all new clothes soon!!!

I am hoping to take some before pictures and then put up a pic each time I blog but i do not know if I will feel comfortable with showing that yet.  I t may take awhile for me to be okay with people seeing my weight.

Anyway, I am off to my night class, then back to change into something nice and comfy, like a t-shirt, and drive an hour to this guys house.  I hope everything goes awesome today!!!

08 October 2010

Let Downs and New Loves

Blue October, sadly, was a disappointment.  I still remember when I used to go to their concerts and I loved every song and they were amazing.  Kim and I both felt that they played way too much of their new music and none of the really good old classics.  Then we remembered that we started going to there concerts seven years ago and the songs we like are ten years old.  It really brings back the memories to think about that.

Even though the band I went to see was a disappointment, the opener was amazing.  The lead singer reminds me of the main character in A Clockwork Orange.  He was adorable and goofy.  After the concert, that band was out signing autograph and selling Cd's so Kim and I bought some and went to have them sign it just because, and they were very entertaining.  The lead singer handed me his drink and said, "Hold this, and have a sip if you like.  Have a sip."  I told him no thanks, so the guitarist took it and then offered it to me again as they signed the CD.  The drummer signed it, "Dear Carly, (heart) Me" and then insisted on a hug which lifted me off my feet.  They were amazing guys in a band called The Parlotones. 


Today, I cleaned the upstairs of my house and danced around to their CD all day.  I love cleaning and dancing when no one is watching.  I made some Stuffed green peppers and now I'm going to run and then sleep.  All in all, a satisfying few days.



06 October 2010

Wow.

It has been a while since I wrote anything on here.  I wish i had something to say, or that something had happened during tat time that was super awesome that I could rave about...  But nothing really did.  I have had a ton of work and homework to get done and I have been working on cleaning up the upstairs of my parents house.  This coming weekend I have big plans to clean out the garage and to empty our smokehouse.  Thrilling, I know.

However.....  Tomorrow night is going to be super awesome because it is Blue October night!!!  I have not been to a concert in so long and I haven't been to Blue October in years so this is great.  I have had all their songs on repeat for the last week!  I will one day marry the lead singer, either that or steal his beautiful, poetic, crazy mind and put it in my own head.  So I will have much to say after the concert.

Now, I am going to run three miles, do some homework and figure out what I am wearing to the concert!

Also, I am going to be a gangsta for Halloween.  Excited.

29 September 2010

Ah, Humpday...

I almost missed my bus yesterday.  I was on the phone with my friend who was waiting at the bus stop and I was geting closer and closer and I knew that it was  going to show up just before I could get there. I left the house with ten minutes to get to the bus, a drive that takes twenty usually, and I sped the entire way there.  I turned on to the street the parking lot entrance is on and my friend tells me that the but is pulling into the parking lot.  So, I did the only thing I could think of, I told her to stall it.  She did, and I made the bus, though I wasn't even sure that I had locked my car doors, but hey, I made the bus.

Class itself was pretty disappointing, as usual.  We started good disscusions only to be cut off and turned in another direction by the instructor.  I managed to confuse her again so she was agruing "against"me by arguing my point.  After class a girl told me she thought that the only reason the instructor doesn't cut me off or tell me I'm wrong is because she knows I know more then she does.  I found that funny.  While I was waiting for the bus, and Kim, I read a book under a tree and my back fell asleep.  That has never happened to me before.  It was quite odd.  Kim and I had a great time listening to strange conversations on the bus and then hung out at my house watching stupid TV shows.  All in all, a pretty good day.

Today I have class till seven and hanging ut on campus doing nothing till eight.  Good times.  I will have a ton of homework done at least and hopefully my resume.  Can't wait for next week.  I ordered some clothes and they should be getting here then!

28 September 2010

It's Still So Dark!

Well, I am heading to work and it is still dark out.  Even the dogs are looking at me like I am crazy and the cats aren't awake yet.  But, I have to get done with work by 8 so I can make the stupid bus and still get some homework done when I get to school.  I hope it is a nice day today, because I really want to go for another walk with the pooches and this time I am going to push them to two miles.  I hope.  I also really want to ride my horse today.

The Badger game was great.  Record setting score, smashed the other team, and relatively short lines for the bathroom.  Kim called me at nine that morning and I told her I was in a parking lot drinking Bloody Mary's with my dad and she responded with, "you do know its 9 am right?"  Priceless.  I got some sweet pictures and I even got to take a nap on the way home.  Overall, good day.

Yesterday I finally got to pick up my new glasses and I must say, I look quite indie now with these guys.  Especially with my hats on.  I wasn't really intending that when I got them but I kind of enjoy it.  I also finally got my Debit card fixed and so I was able to buy the sweater tights I have been wanting.  Now lets see if I can keep the good things rolling and do well in class and on my exam this week!

24 September 2010

Finally Friday

I love this weather.  It's windy and cold and it might rain, but it is sunny two seconds later.  I love the wind.  I love the sound it makes and the feel of it on my skin.  I love how it feels good if its hot or cold or even freezing.  I love how when its blowing really hard, it feels like it is trying to pull my hair.  The only thing i don't love about the wind, is when it blows acorns at my car like they were being shot out of paintball gun.  Not cool.

I haven't walked the dogs yet today, or ridden my horse, but i am planning on getting out there after i help my mom out around the house a little bit and get my room in order.  Right now, the dogs are self excersising by running laps around my living room.  And now, into my parents room.  The cats just watch them from high up, thinking they are crazy.


I am super excited to go to the badger game tomorrow even though i don't really own any red...  And I have been told that I am not allowed to bring any reading material of any kind to the game, which means i will be peppering my dad and his friends with questions about what going on because i do not understand football at all.  I totally get soccer, baseball, hockey, and even rugby.  Football is a mystery to me.  And, because i played rugby in college, I will admit to finding football players a little soft. But I still think it will be a good time and it will be super nice to get out of the area for a little bit.  Even if we do have to leave here at seven am.

23 September 2010

Other One Bites The Dust


And there goes another week of my life.  I spent the most of my time this week waiting for , or riding on the bus to campus.  Not exactly my idea of a good time but it gave me a chance to catch up on my reading homework so that was good.  Today, i got up at four because my cats thought it would be fun to jump on my head while chasing each other through the house.  I used to be immune to this but because it hasn't happened it months it scared the crap out of me and I couldn't fall back to sleep.  But, once again, it gave me time to finish my homework so I guess it's a blessing in disguise.


I finally got a chance to exercise this afternoon, but not for very long because the dogs got
overheated so the hike was only for a half hour.  I am hoping to go for a three hour hike tomorrow when it cools off and they have rested up for it.  I really missed being able to have time to work out and walk, I feel so much better when I do so it was great to get out there.  and I get to work twice at the stable today, which means twice the hay bales and stalls and feed to take care of which is a work out in itself.


The rest of the weekend will be devoted to finishing homework, gardening, the badger game in Madison on Saturday with my dad (Go Badgers!) and cleaning my office which has gotten out of control the last month.  And also a good portion of the weekend will involve hiking with my dogs and riding my horse, hopefully.  And maybe a night of drinking with friends if we can get our lives to slow down for one night at least.

22 September 2010

Almost There

This has been a very long week, and for once, Thursday really is feeling like a hump day.  After today, I will have caught up on nearly everything I fell behind on because of the cold, and work, and stolen debit card.  I will finally be able to work in my garden and get it ready for fall. I will be able to build my new dog his fenced yard so he doesn't run away again.  I will be able to bed down my gardens for winter, plant my winter crops, and get rid of the last of the buck thorn on my trail.  I will also FINALLY be able to start riding my horse regularly again and hiking every day with my dogs.  Once I get my office cleaned and my bedroom put back together, I will actually be able to do homework up there rather then in my bed.  everything is finally falling into place.  Which means any day now I am going to be royally screwed over by something.

The more I write in this blog, the more I decide what I am going to include in it and the more I think I need a blog for each topic.  As of today, this blog will include:
          1. Thoughts and processes involved in my move to South Korea.
          2. Random thoughts and occurrences in my life.
          3. Examples of my writing and photography, and other art projects.
          4. Recipes and talks about dishes I make that are awesome.
            And, New Today....
5. My weight loss and fitness goals.

I know that a lot of people do all of these things already.  And I used to think they were all crazy and silly, but the more I write in this, the more I realize how helpful it will be to be to record it here.  It is nice to at least imagine people are reading this besides me, it is nice to think people may actually be interested in my life.  Not to mention, if I start recording my fitness stuff here, I might actually do it.  I think the reason that, right now in my life, I am finding it so cathartic to write here is that I don't really have many people around right now to talk to.  Right now, the people I do have who are reading this are thinking, yes, she has me, but I don't have people all the time, and I don't have people like i used to have them.  Leaving college and Platteville has been hard because the friends I had there are no longer just down the sidewalk.  I miss all of them terribly and even though I talk to them, it is not the same.  Writing here is a way for me to get my thoughts out and processed and still feel like someone is listening.  Unlike a journal, I still feel connected to the world this way.

So, along the lines of the goals of this blog, I have some updates for each section:

          1. I have turned in my information to Gone2Korea and they have responded.  I need to get my resume and a photo turned in before I can really get going on the application, but fingers crossed I get accepted.  I am still working on my online course for TEFL but I am making progress and so far, I have a 96% in the class.  I am also working on my English grammar certificate and I think that in the next two weeks i will finish that up.

          2. I have been too busy lately to have many random thoughts or occurrences, but when I went to the bank to deal with my card problems, the guy who helped me out was an old roommate of an ex-boyfriend from platteville.  So that was pretty crazy.

          3. As for examples of my writing or art, how about i give you all a picture of some of my ceramic work....
DilloMan.  Before he was fired and glazed terribly.  I need to remake him.


           4. I haven't really cooked anything lately because I have been so busy.  I did make some Cornish Hens and Squash the other day, but they are something I make all the time.  I just got a new Korean cookbook so hopefully I will making some stuff from there soon.

          5. As for the fitness stuff, I am going to start walking four miles a day with the dogs and doing some yoga and other exercise stuff.  I will figure out the details later, but I am hoping to loose around 40 pounds.

This is everything I have for today, but I will write tomorrow.  I just hope everything keeps going right.

19 September 2010

Sleepless Nights and Lackluster Days

I am very ready for a change in my life.  I came back from college after six years away from my hometown and nothing has changed.  I am back working at the jobs I left when I went to college, I live with my parents again in my old room, I never seem to have enough money, I have the same three friends here and we all go o the same school again, and my little brother still hasn't gotten his life in order.  When I look back at the last six years of my life it is as if they never even happened.

I think that this is why I am so excited to go to South Korea to teach.  I feel like I will finally be doing something new and different and when I get back, something will really have changed.  I am not sure why I feel like this but I hope it works out.

I am worried about some things regarding South Korea.  For one thing, I can not speak Korean, at all.  And I am not the greatest at learning new languages.  Also, I have never taught in my life and I have no experience, whatsoever with making lesson plans, or assignments or anything.  Another problem is the food there.  I don't know how to read the menu so I will never really know what I am eating.  Good thing I am adventurous when it comes to food.And I will be heading off to a foreign country where I know absolutely no one, the closest family I will have will be my cousin and her husband and their new baby in Australia.  I am really excited for the challenges all these thing will create for me, but I am also terrified of all of them. 

I think that right now my biggest fear is the people I will meet there.  I am not always the greatest at making friends and meeting new people.  I tend to be kind of quiet and when I am in a country where I can't speak the language I think it will only make me quieter and less likely to talk to people.  I am trying to teach myself so basic Korean before I go, but I know there is no way I will be ready to walk down the street there and have a clue what is going on.  I am really hoping that I can make a friend or two right when I get there so that they can help me with the language and the customs.  That is the other thing I am scared of.  I don't want to insult or be rude to anyone because I don't know their customs.  I wish I could find someone here that had lived there or that was from there so they could help me learn how to be polite and respectful there.

Seoul Skyline
Another fear I have is living in a city as large as Seoul.  I have never lived in a city that large, and I am hoping that I can not get lost my first month there.  If I could read the signs and such it may not be as bad, so hopefully there will be some in English as well as Korean.  At the same time I think that there is a better chance of people knowing some English in a big city like Seoul.  Out in the smaller villages I think most people wont know very much English at all, but maybe they will.  I just don't know yet.  I do think that it is a beautiful city and a beautiful country overall.

I started looking at Kindles today so I can get my electronic library set before I go there.  I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of reading when I first get there. Maybe I can look for some Korean children's books to help teach myself the language.  I would really like to find some Books in Korean while I am there to bring back with me.  I think it would be really amazing to own some Classic Korean literature that is important to the people there.  Because I am a Literature major I love to learn about the important stories in all cultures and this will be a great opportunity to learn about Korean Literature.

Right now I am just hoping that all of my paperwork goes through and is accepted and that North Korea can Hold off Bombing any more South Korean Ships long enough for me to go and spend what will probably be the most amazing time of my life there. I think I am going to try and find some good books about South Korea so I can read up and get some of my questions answered.  Do  you think they have a South Korea for Dummies?

~Wonsungido namueso torochinda~
Or
~Even monkeys fall from trees~

18 September 2010

Colds and Dog Training

So, it's been a few days of crazy.  I got a cold at Indian Summer and have been sleeping pretty much all the time.  I even missed class because of it and the fact that I have been working my ass off at the stable getting ready for this clinic that's going on this weekend.  Yesterday I washed seven horses and vacuumed cobwebs in the barn.  My boss is a little bit nuts I think.  I am very glad that this weekend is going to be over soon.  I will be all caught up on everything from work to class, which is great cause the stress is killing me already.


On more upbeat news, the new dog has his name finally, FARGO.  We got it from that movie made about twenty years ago and from the show Eureka on the SyFy channel.  He is doing really good, even though he does have his bad moments, like now, he is cuddled next to me, farting like you wouldn't believe.  Lucy and the cats seem to be dealing well with him, the cats actually beat him up a little bit which is very entertaining.  I think that we will be signing up for an obedience class in the near future and maybe some agility training so we can get rid of some of that energy.  And my horse's cancer seems to have disappeared completely just n time for fall, also awesome.


Other then that, I have surprising little to report or to say.  Being sick kinda saps my creativity a little.  so following this entry, is the first chapter of my book, which is actually the prologue.  So if anyone out there is actually reading this, let me know what you think:


Prologue
            The cold rain made a stark contrast to the hot blood that ran down the side of her face and neck.  Hidden at the edge of the clearing, just out of the reach of the light, the little girl lay curled in a ball under a thick pine.  Images of her father being stabbed flashed before her eyes, drawing out a wracking sob.  The light from the fire they had sat laughing at only hours before was slowly dying as the rain continued to pour down.  Closing her eyes she once again witnessed the horror of that night.  The men entering the grove, her father standing to greet them, the cold sound of blades being drawn, her father yelling at her to run, get away.  She hugged herself tighter as she remembered the sight of her father trying to fight off the men.  He was brutally murdered before her eyes, the scene replaying over and over in her head.  Forcing the image from her mind she tried to remember how she had been injured.  With a little effort she recalled the man who had been waiting in the darkness of the woods for her when she ran.  She had fought back when he grabbed her and he struck her on the side of the head with his sword’s hilt.  Though dazed, she had managed to draw the little dagger she carried.  When he lunged at her again, she stabbed him in the neck.  I killed a human being.  As this realization hit her, she turned her face and vomited into the mud.  Her father had insisted that she learn to use the dagger, and that she carry it with her at all times, even though she was only seven. 
Her father.  He was the only family she had ever known.  Her mother had died when she was very young and her father never spoke of her.  For as long as she could remember it at been him and her, just the two of them.  They were constantly traveling, never in one place for too long. She had never had time to make any friends they were gone so fast.  Her father had seemed to know people everywhere and that was how they lived.  They moved from one friend to the next, never staying very long anywhere and rarely revisiting anyone.  The only friend that they regularly made trips to was the one they had been waiting for tonight.  It was the only life she had ever known.  And now her father was dead and she was alone in the world.  Had she been a bit older she may have asked herself why hadn’t his friend showed up? Why had the men attacked them?  They had only a little food in their packs, nothing worth stealing.  And why had the leader of the gang forced him men to search the surrounding woods for her?  Instead all she could think about was how alone she was.
            As this thought pounded in her mind she began to lose consciousness from exhaustion and loss of blood.  She was drifting off when she heard footsteps near her and before she could react, strong arms picked her up.  She struck out with weak fists, beating at whoever had captured her.
            “Quiet little one.” The voice was familiar and comforting.  “What in gods name happened here?”  Before she could respond, the world went fuzzy and she slipped into blackness, held in the arms of the friend they had been waiting for.  He had finally come, though much too late.

12 September 2010

Just Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay, Wastin' Time




Indian Summer is pretty cool, and I am super lucky that I can people watch for hours without getting bored.  I sat for nine hours yesterday at a gate, by myself, with nothing to do but watch the people go by. And watching these people has caused me to come to some conclusions about humans, at least in the US.




1. People are okay with being fat.  And I don't mean a little chubby, I mean huge, fat.  It's the slightly chubby ones that are the most self-conscious.  The really huge, can't see their own feet, big ones are totally okay with it.  The girls wear tight clothes, the men tuck it the overly stretched t-shirts and let their stomachs hang to their feet, it is amazing.  I am not sure if they have just given up and accepted that they are big and they wont change or if they really are okay with it, but they are all so happy and comfortable in their own skin that I kind of envy them.


2. Children are really annoying, but so cute that it doesn't matter.  All over the grounds, little kids are screaming and breaking stuff and touching stuff they shouldn't be, and none of us care.  They look so cute when they are doing it that we all, including myself, smile and get all misty eyed at them.  Once they hit like four feet tall though, we don't find it cute anymore, so we yell at the tall ones for doing the same things the little ones are doing and completely confuse the poor kids.



3. Teenagers really are stupid.  I watch all these 13 to 18 year olds trying to be sneaky and break all the rules and they think that they are getting away with it when the whole time, I just sit there and laugh because they are so obvious.  When i was a teen, i thought the same thing and i still find myself hoping that i was better at being inconspicuous then these kids and if I wasn't then i had the most oblivious parents ever.  Then again, none of the parents at Indian Summer noticed either.

4. People never read the signs right in their faces.  The gate I work at leads out of the park and to the ceremonial fire out on the island.  Every person I let out the gate asked me where the gate lead and what the fire was.  Directly next to me was a 6 foot tall sign explaining everything.  READ!!

These are only some of the conclusions I came to, but the rest are mainly about people lacking intelligence and we all already know about that.  Today, i am going to bring Moby Dick and not watch the stupid people walk past.

Thanks Otis for the Perfect Song for my day!

11 September 2010

I Hate Computers and Drunk College Freshman.

Well, yesterday was pretty entertaining.  First my laptop decided that the Internet wasn't going to work that day.  At all.  Then my desktop thought it would be fun to just not turn on at all so I couldn't check to see if it was the Internet or my laptop that was the problem.  iTunes got in on the fun and glitched out so that I need to reinstall it, but it wont let me delete it.  And I still can not get my printer to work with my laptop.

I took the dog to the vet and he was all good until the poo sample came back wormy which means pills and farting, and gross poop till he is better.  He is turning into a little terror, and acting just like little dogs do.  Much training is in order, if only I had the time.

Milwaukee's Pantherfest is gross.  It is like the worlds biggest house party, with the cops already there.  I work at Summerfest as a security guard and having to pat down and search my classmates was not fun.  But the comments and excuses we get are pretty hilarious.

Some examples:

The first was said by a drunk girl talking loudly to her friend on the phone when we would not let her in because she didn't have a ticket.  When she was saying this she was very pissed off and though what she said sound logical, she just couldn't understand it..."Apparently it doesn't mater that I am a student at UWM and your not, it only matters if you have a ticket or not."  Well, Duh.

This second was said by another drunk girl when we told her she was to drunk to enter.  She approached the gate, almost tipping over twice, fell into her boyfriend who also almost tipped over, and then told her to shush and look sober right in front of us..."No really, we are fine right now, we are fine! (tips over and boyfriend stands her upright)  I'm totally fine.  I didn't drink anything!"

This last example was pretty awesome.  Guy was trying to get back in after he left..."I have to get to my car, I parked it over there. (points to Lake Michigan)" Security guard, "That's the lake.  You parked in the lake?"  Guy, "Yeah, yeah, that's where I parked it.  Over there.  Can I go?" Security guard, "No."

I wish I could record these idiots and then put a video up here.  It is not really possible to convey the ridiculousness of these statements.

Today, I have to go back there for Indian Summer and it is pouring and cold and yucky.  I would much rather be getting my homework done for this week so that I can focus on the barn stuff I am supposed to take care of this week.  Just have to keep repeating, last weekend, last weekend..... and remind myself I am getting paid to do this crap. 

Wow.  this Blog thing is a great way to vent annoyance, but I will not always be using it for that I hope.  I will leave you with a little something fun from Questionable Content!

09 September 2010

New Love!

Today I got my new baby! His name is not yet decided but i am working on it. he had some problems at his old home but here he will be loved and cared for. Lucy is already in love with him, although the cats are taking longer to warm up to him.

i have pictures of some of the pets today, the rest i will put up tomorrow.
This is Darby Dan.  My First Love. And still the only male i trust with my life.
Blue Eyes.  A kitten born to a cat my ex dropped off at my one bedroom apartment.  Seven cats was way to many there so i gave her to my parents. 
Tinka.  The craziest and strangest cat i have ever owned.  She plays fetch and comes when she is called.

Martini.  Such a Sweetheart.  Always up for a cuddle!

And Lucy.  A very sweet Pitbull/Boxer.  Had a terrible life on the streets till she was found and we adopted her.

The newest addition to our family.
I still have to get pictures of the rest but for now these will do.  We are hoping that the new dog will get along with everyone and since he is right now cuddling Lucy, I think it is looking good.

Anyway, class today was disappointing.  My professor doesn't really get it and I have had to explain myself way too much in class, but I made a new friend over our mutual distaste for Feminist Literature.  It could be worse i guess.  My ethnic studies course is actually looking like it might be the better of the two and not just because of a certain TA.  Compared to the crap I had to take in Platteville, it is actually very interesting and doesn't sound like complete bullshit. 

This weekend is going to be pretty awful, but i am getting paid so it could be worse, and it is the last weekend I have to work at summerfest this summer so I am excited about that.

I have decided that this blog will be a compilation of my thoughts, photos, poems, and even bits of my novel if I am so inspired.  I am open to anything and everything at this point.  I am smart enough to know that no one will really be reading this but myself and maybe one or two of my aunts but anyone interested is welcome to read if they would like.  Life is pretty interesting I think, and my own life has some pretty entertaining bits to it.  So here it goes.  I will try to write something everyday, but we all know that that will never happen.  If you find yourself enjoying my ramblings or anything I put up on this thing, let me know.  I am new to blogging and have no real clue what I am doing.  But, here i am, putting myself out there for the world to see.  Hope you all enjoy it!
NEW LOVE!