23 December 2010

Finally, Time To Sit Still

Well, It has been awhile since I felt I could sit, and relax, and not be stressed about anything.  And I feel like I could actually do a good bit of talking so here it goes:

First off, the not spending extra money thing has not worked very well so far.  I was feeling really down on myself about this until I decided that it was asking a lot of myself to stop spending money on things I don't need right at Christmas time.  I am one of those people who thinks the best present in the world is finding the perfect gift for someone else and seeing their face when they open it.  So far this year I have achieved my goal.  So I have decided that the cut back on spending will start with the arrival of my next pay check in the beginning of January.


I also have not been doing great with exercising, and again I am going to blame the time of year.  It is not easy to change bad habits I have had my whole life when tempting treats are being shoved in my face from everywhere.  And finding time to work out when I have been spending every second freaking out about getting stuff turned in and finished on time has not been easy.  So I will call December my month off and will start again with gusto in January.

Doing both of these things will not be hard considering that I have nothing else to spend my time doing than job hunting.  I have started the overload of applications and so far have heard nothing back from anyone.  I would like to take a moment here to tell all the employers out there a little something they appear not to think about.  When I send in an application, and never hear back from you, it pisses me off.  It is not hard to make a general "We are not interested at this time" email, or something like that, just letting me know that I shouldn't hold my breath.  Also, if the position has been filled, then take the advertisement of the site so I don't end up applying to a ton of jobs that no longer exist.  I do not think that these are asking a lot.

Okay, back to what I was talking about.  Starting in January, my life will have three or four purposes. 
1. Finding a job
2. Working Out and Getting Healthy (and this I am dragging my mom along on)
3. Spending time with friends and Don
4. Saving money and working at the stable as many hours as I can squeeze out of that job.




I really hope that I get a job that pays decent so I can pay back my loans.  That "clean finical beginning" is so close I can feel it.  If I can pull off getting out of debt, and having good credit, I feel like I will be much better off than a lot of people my age and that is not something I would feel at all bad about.




Well, Christmas is almost here and I have an even crazier schedule than normal.  leaving tonight for Don's house so that tomorrow we can go to his families for Christmas Eve and then getting up the next morning at nine, so I can leave his place by ten, so I can get home to my place by eleven, so I can get myself and my dogs and family in the car and leave for Algoma by noon.  I stay there for three days with no phone of electronics of any kind.  then come back here for a crazy week of work.  I don't even have time to make  New Years plans.

Happy Holidays!

15 December 2010

Time For A Story

I don't have a ton of time today, but I wanted to post something, so here is the start of a second story, possibly just a short story, I started a few years ago.


She flinched back as she felt the sun touch her face, the light penetrated her skin and she felt the invisible damage work its way through the layers of dermis.  Her hood had slipped back a little as she hurried through the streets.  She pulled it forward so her face was covered again and organized her thick coat, and then hurried on towards the hospital where she worked.  Everyone around her was enjoying the brief break in the chilly, unusually overcast winter and were absorbing as much sunlight into their winter pale skin as they could.  They had removed their hats and gloves and unbuttoned their coats, braving the still bitter cold of the wind, all to get their fill of vitamin D like some huge mobile plants.
                  “Idiots!” she snarled to no one, overheard by no one.  Fifty years from now all those people will be rushing to their dermatologists, begging them to remove the age spots they are causing themselves right now.  She pulled her head back further into her hood like some kind of turtle and moved on faster. 
The last few feet and the hallway to her office were always the most dangerous for her of her two block trip to the hospital.  Face to the floor, she hurried through the stone white door of her office and slammed the door behind her.  One quick glance around her office told her that it was safe to remove her coat, hat, gloves, and scarf and place them on the individual hangers near the door.  Only after she was sure they were all in the proper place did she relax. 
Her office was plain and extraordinarily neat.  There was no artwork on the walls and no photos on the desk, in fact, besides a computer, clock, and small container of pens her desk was completely clear.  There were no folders laying around the office, those were all stored safely in the long line of file cabinets along the right wall, all the same color, and all locked, letting her know that inside not one paper was bent or out of place.  She fingered the keys to all that information as she ran her eyes along them, making a silent inspection of her space. 
                  Her eyes continued along the back wall of her office where her bookshelves were stacked high with books, all organized not only by color, so they were pleasing to the eye, but also by alphabet, so they would easy to use.  She let her eyes travel over them and over to the last wall of the office that held nothing other than a sink which was bare of everything, save a large bottle of antibacterial soap.  Satisfied that her office was untouched since she had locked the door behind her two days before, she began to move towards her desk.  Her second step caused a thin envelope that had been shoved under the door to rustle as her foot pressed down on it.  The sudden noise in the silent office startled her and she jumped back into a crouch. 
The envelope appeared to be a regular business class letter, though it was not sealed, as though the sender wanted to leave no trace of themselves behind.  Her heart began to race and seat formed on the back of her neck, drops running down her back.  For several tense moments she didn’t move, only her eyes darted back and forth from the letter to the rest of the office, rechecking to make sure nothing else had been moved. 
Finally she reached out and picked up the letter.  She stood up as she opened it and walked over to the mirror over the sink, bending down slightly so she could look at herself in it.  I really need to get the custodians in her to raise this up.  Damn my height. And damn this letter.  She glanced down at it and felt the little blood that remained in her face rush out.  Slamming open a bottom drawer on her desk she ran the letter through the paper shredder the drawer held.  Her anger died a little as the small metal teeth devoured the paper and she walked back to the mirror, intending to compose herself.
                  “Dr. Sto?” her intern called through the door and knocked timidly.  The doorknob turned slightly as he began to enter her office without waiting for her response. “Dr. Sto, are you in yet? Dr. Sto?”
                  Before the knob finished turning in its place, she was in her chair, leaning forward towards the now opening door.  “Yes Howard.  I just got in, as you should know seeing as how you are able to open my door.  Or do you perhaps make a habit of coming in here when I am out?”  She could see him flinch, though she was unsure whether it was because of her words of at the sound of her chalky, smooth voice that curled through the air to him through the dark of the office.  It didn’t matter which he was reacting to, she was used to people flinching when she spoke.
                  “Um, I was, ah, just checking, because, um, no I don’t make a habit, um…” Howard stammered on, boring her.
                  “Is there a particular reason that you felt the need to come bursting,” Well I guess not bursting per say,”into my office?” Hm, that letter incident really freaked me out.  I can’t believe… it wasn’t his fault, calm down. 
                  “Yes, I was wondering if you got the invitation I slipped under your door.  I know that Michelle would love you to come to her graduation party tonight, I mean, you’re her mentor and all, and yeah…” He quieted and waited for her response. 
It was lucky that the darkness shielded her face from him because her anger had returned and she was struggling to control it.  “Yes,” she replied, carful to take even breathes and not sound as if she were speaking through clenched teeth. “I got the invitation, and I would love to attend.”  She wanted nothing more than to not attend the party but pretenses must be kept up.  These silly humans, thinking something as insignificant as a graduation was worthy of celebration.


Enjoy!

14 December 2010

Changes, A Time For Changes

Anyone who reads this regularly will have noticed that I have been making some changes to the look and content of the blog.  I'm doing this because I have been making some changes in my life as well.  Besides a new boyfriend, I have been making some decisions on what I plan to do for a living.  I applied for a job at the humane society and I am really hoping to get it, but if I don't, I have decided to continue to apply for jobs in this area.  I am not ready to move far away and abandon everyone here.

This is partially because of my relationship with Don, but I also feel like my family needs me around for awhile.  Another reason is because I am really trying to get serious about the getting in shape.  I would live to loose about forty pounds and in order to do so I am going to have make a real effort to focus on that.

This brings me to my next point.  The focus of this blog is going to alter a little bit.  I will still be including my fun rants and tangents, but I am no longer focusing on Korea, although I am still going to finish that online class.  I am going to focus this blog on the things I am trying to focus on in my life.   I am going to make a real effort to save money, and get a real career, and fix up the things in my life that need fixing, such as my health and my relationships with people.



I really want to get my debt paid off, so here is my big plan:
  1. Stop making unnecessary purchases.  I do not need any more clothes or books or movies or other things like that.  I actually need to cut back on my clothing again.  
  2. Pay off my credit card, by March.  I know March is a random month, but it is the earliest I feel i would be able to do that realistically.  After it is paid off, don't touch it.
  3. Pay my parents half of my paycheck each month to pay off what I owe them.
  4. After paying back my parents, start saving half of each check in my savings account and do not touch it. 
  5. Put off finding an apartment for at least six months, or until my debt is fully paid off.  It may take a while, but I really want a fresh financial start.
 I haven't worked out any of the other details for my life, but once I hear back from the job I interviewed at I will start making a bigger plan.  It is time to take charge and make some decisions in my life.   Oh, and I am totally still putting my work up here, I need to believe someone is reading this!  For the faithful, another poem (remember, feedback would be appreciated)


Silly Pink Line


2:59, 2:58, 2:57, 2:56, 2:55,
Counting down the three minute wait of eternity
I contemplate my options if it all goes to shit
“My life is over”
“I have to drop out”
“My mother will hate me and my dad, oh my god, my dad”
All these thoughts rise to the surface of my boiling brain
Caused because of a silly pink line

1:59, 1:58, 1:57, 1:56, 1:55,
Still the counting continues
I wonder what I did to deserve this
“Should I have been nice to the bitch who tried to steal all my friends”
“Did I not try hard enough to be a good person”
“Why did I not listen to what everyone was saying”
Question and more questions bubble up and explode
All caused by that stupid, silly pink line

0:59, 0:58, 0:57, 0:56, 0:55,
Eternity is slowly drawing to a close
Sudden thoughts sneak uncontrollably to the front of my thoughts
“I don’t want to know”
“I don’t think I can look”
“I am pretty sure I shouldn’t have eaten that burger before doing this”
In terror I look down at what I hold in my hand
My life’s fate decided by one horrible, stupid, silly pink line

07 December 2010

Long Time, No Post

Well, it has been quite awhile since I had time to just sit down and write on here.  A ton has been happening and not all of it is good.

First off, I will graduate, again, in about two weeks, which means a ton of papers and studying to do before the end.  I also have the added bonus of needing to check with Platteville to make sure that I actually fulfilled all their damn requirements this time and that they have no loop holes to pull me through.  I am going to be very glad when this is all over.  I also have only a few weeks to complete that online course.  I suppose I could work on it tomorrow during work time in my Lit class.  Once that is done, I am set till I get bored again.

Also, I applied for a job at my local humane society to work as an adoption counselor and I got a first interview today.  Hopefully I get called in for a second one and get the job.  It is pretty much my dream job and I would love to start my year off with a really good start to life.

On a much sadder note, my baby Darby passed away a few days after thanksgiving.  I had that horse for 15 years and he was my best friend and the only constant man in my life who I trusted to never break my heart.  He was always there to listen to my problems and never complained when I cried on his shoulder.  I miss him a crazy amount and I am not sure I have truly accepted his death yet.  He touched the heart of every person he met, no matter how short a time he knew them and I will never have another horse as amazing as he was.

I have looked online a little bit at horses that are available for adoption through rescue groups and found a little mare that may be able to help fill the space left by his loss.  It will take her a long time to trust and love me just like it will take me a long time to recover from losing Darby so I think we could help each other through it.

Things with Don are going amazing.  He took me deer hunting, something I had never done, and I really kinda enjoyed it.  I met his parents and some of the rest of his family and they were all really nice and seemed to like me so that was good.  He came to Thanksgiving at my house and I had a great time watching him meet my family and everyone else that was there.

Other than this stuff, life has been pretty normal.  spending a lot of my free time with Don, or trying to finish up the last few things I need to for school.  Looks like I am going to need to change up this blog a bit.  I may be a few weeks before I find time to write with graduation, possible new jobs, and Christmas coming up but I will do my best.